Sensing a young helpless soul bound by the tyranny of non-free software, Richard M. Stallman broke local boy, Timmy Hughes, out of the “iJail” he was confined to, say reports.

Speeding across state borders in his freedom respecting 1970s Toyota Cressida with Timmy Hughes in the passenger seat, Mr. Stallman told the 15 year old upcoming free software fan that he was “truly free now”, no longer forced to live under the roof of his Apple obsessed family.

Sitting back in his chair with an air of accomplishment and Godlike irreverence for the mere mortals around him, local man Jonathan Goodspeed was very satisfied with the shell script he just wrote, reports say, despite the script being just absolutely awful.

A study from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology has found that there is a staggering 87% chance that Linus Torvalds will in fact hate your code and possibly even wish a pox upon your family.

The family of teenager Micheal Robertson gathered to his bedside at their local hospital, welcoming the young man back into reality as he had finally come out of a two year coma, following an incident where he was hit by a car after being distracted by Mark Shuttleworth’s private jet, Canonical One, flying overhead.

With his shaky finger hovering over the Enter key after typing ‘sudo pacman -Syu’ on his system, the Arch Linux using man from Jacksonville, Florida had never experienced such anxiety, sources say.

With recent news that Microsoft Windows would be bringing the Ubuntu, Fedora and OpenSUSE GNU/Linux distributions to the Windows Store, the android known only as “David” believes humanity has finally created something worthwhile.

After months of user hopping, a local Linux distribution has finally found a user they will stick with, reports say.

A funeral for a local man of Lowell, Massachusetts, took an unexpected turn on Tuesday when the controversial founder of the Free Software Foundation and freedom advocate, Richard Stallman, seemingly appeared out of nowhere during an eulogy.

A KDE Plasma user has been left stunned and in a state of awe in her own home, as she experienced stability on the desktop environment for the first time.