Gnomes United (GnoUn), a political party catering to the needs of gnomes, released a statement yesterday at the “Meetup for GnoUn” decrying the GNOME foundation’s use of racist imagery.

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Even though his entire world was “falling down all around him”, local man, Eli Tistprik, remained strong and seemingly full of resolve as he spoke to reporters on Sunday. Mr. Tistprik said that his 7 year relationship with his girlfriend, Andrea, was facing serious problems.

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Silicon Valley, US - in an informal Security Hackfest, an entire breakout session of security experts seems to have forgotten what SELinux is or does. “Operating system enforced isolation would be good,” said speaker Matt Dewey, referencing the recent Intel security bugs. “Isn’t that SELinux?” said a voice from the crowd, which Matt characterized as “not entirely sure”. After a couple minutes of clamor, though, it seemed as if nobody actually was “entirely sure” of the answer. ...

Apache foundation has just released a Linux port of pornfs, a user filesystem that hides a porn directory in plain sight.

“The traditional way of hiding porn on Windows is just to stash it under a nested directory with boring names. You know, Desktop\Files\Project Tasks\work\proposals. Nobody would look there”, said Jeremy Wright, spokesman for the pornfs project.

“We’ve long been missing this feature on Linux.”

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Just one week after its formal declaration of independence, the Republic of systemd has already met opposition from rival nation Emacs over territorial disputes.

“Yeah about independenced. It turns out there’s already an Emacs keybinding for that”, said Ed Best, a spokesman for President-for-life Saint Ignutius. “Control x Meta d Meta i. You then supply your own constitution in Emacs Lisp.”

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ECMAscript working group is reportedly having talks regarding a controversial paradigm shift in JavaScript which deprecates variables.

“Last I checked, we have 3 different package managers, 4 or 5 job systems, 4 module formats, 3 inheritance models, 3 timing models, 4 different syntaxes… I don’t see why we should have only 1 variable system.”

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While FOSS users have known for years that the Brasero disc burning utility is really a CD-to-coffee-coaster conversion tool in disguise, a recent study has shown that the success rate is even worse than first thought.

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Lamenting the fact that the new Firefox “Quantum” had made his browsing experience just “too darn fast and shiny”, local man Ricky Hasshat says he wishes for the good old times, complete with single-threaded “blocking” browser windows and random high CPU usages.

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A 10-year old root exploit was found in the Unix “man” program used for displaying system documentation.

The “man trap exploit” is triggered when certain key combinations and escape sequences are triggered in malicious man pages, which would be able to use the screen buffer memory to replay login details. Infected man pages have been found in the core utilities of virtually every Linux and BSD distribution.

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