While FOSS users have known for years that the Brasero disc burning utility is really a CD-to-coffee-coaster conversion tool in disguise, a recent study has shown that the success rate is even worse than first thought.

Dr Richard Hawkins, known for being involved in various totally useful free software related studies¹, says that you are in fact more likely to be randomly mauled by a gay bear than to produce a working disc through the utility.

“Our studies show that the strike rate (of Brasero producing a working item) is low, really low,” he said. “We’re actually a little puzzled how it was shipped as a default disc burning and imaging software for so long, in so many distros, given most users opted to simply swap it out for something like xfburn. Or, especially given that non-KDE users would swap in k3b. It says it all, wouldn’t you agree?”

In an increasingly politically correct age, and also surely as no one would rather risk offending members of the gay bear community, why did the researchers choose to focus on that particular area? Dr. Hawkins says it’s a matter of providing both perspective and accuracy.

“That’s what the data shows,” he told reporters. “The more general numbers, say, related to bears doing home invasions or reneging on paying taxi fares, didn’t provide a big enough statistical disparity for our liking. Those things don’t really surprise anyone, just like the data that shows that the Milky Way is more likely to collide with the Andromeda Galaxy before GNU Hurd reaches a usable state. People don’t even really need an official study to tell them that. Now, random unprovoked maulings by gay bears? The statistics say that is pretty unlikely.”

“But still higher than the strike rate of Brasero,” he added.