PHILADELPHIA, TUESDAY

During a heated bar argument over who could give the most obnoxious unsolicited advice, a Gentoo user - known only as John - was reported asking a vegan cross-fitter to “hold his beer”.

“We were about four or six drinks in, and somehow the conversation had gotten to God”, reported vegan cross-fitter Tyrone Kelly. “That’s when John butted in.”

John then interjected on a Jehovah’s witness’ impromptu presentation.

“Oh sure, Noel had a definite lead when he went biblical. But I was thinking of going - if you have 5 minutes to pray, surely you have 5 minutes to do high-intensity calisthenics followed by a soy oat protein shake. But then John went swinging and it was pretty much dead silence.”

The Gentoo user purportedly touched on the Jehovah’s Witness’ use of printed pamphlets to distribute religious tracts.

“So you got these in binary form? How do you know they’re authentic? Do they have checksums? How do you know that the checksums came from the compiled sources? Can you watch the compile process from the original sources? If this was in Portage, I could put a USE flag to select the font and language. Can you do that?”

He then went on to a lecture-rant that covered Red Hat corporate interests, compile-level customization, Python 3 maturity, user-made repositories, and read-only root filesystems.

“It ended when he wrote an impromptu Portage build for the Bible. When we reported that there were some inconsistencies in the compiled version, he marked the bug as CLOSED WONTFIX: problem is upstream.”